angels above and below
by lismicro
Summary: It's Heaven or Hell, take your pick. Angel!fic (kinda).


This was very loosely inspired by Good Omens by Neil Gaiman. Not a crossover.

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When Tamsin first got to Heaven, she enjoys doing what most of the newly dead did after perishing; flew around for hours on her new wings, gorged herself on best food they had to offer, took a swim in the Fountain of Youth. Not that she needed it; she's preserved at peak physical and mental condition in Heaven, and she can petition the Office for Denizen Age for a change if she wants. Tamsin walks along the golden streets and joins the celestial hockey league. She plays ping pong with Sid Vicious, shakes hands with the Buddha, and takes Helen of Troy to bed.

(No wonder pretty boy Paris couldn't handle her. Girl is a freak in the sheets.)

But after a few centuries of that, and a few centuries of sleeping it off, Tamsin is bored. Seriously fucking bored. Milk and honey are starting to ruin her good boots, flowing about in the streets, and making endless circles around the golden palaces of the other heavenly beings isn't exactly gripping. Especially not after you've done it a million times.

But by far the biggest hitch in this endless-life plan is that the common folk don't get to go back to the Earthly realm. Tamsin is in that category, big time, and as lovely as Heaven is it's just not as_ interesting_ as the place she came from. Too much virtue, not enough vice. She hasn't committed a sin since she's entered Heaven, because there is no sin that cannot be forgiven, or instantly rectified. Tamsin can't even litter- trash disappears as soon as it hits the ground.

Only the special people in Heaven get to return to Earth, to watch over the little humans and control the Fae and intervene when the homeostasis of good and evil got too far off whack. And Tamsin's sent in her application, but the line is long and the standards strict, and Tamsin didn't do enough good in her life to even get an interview.

(Yes, even Heaven has a hierarchy. What did you expect, that the patriarchy and class warfare and Greed shrugged their shoulders and skipped away just as soon as people kicked the bucket? Actually, you probably did. Well, Tamsin's here to tell you that it's all a sack of shit.)

Isaac Newton got in without even applying. Who the fuck did he have to sleep with to do that?

She bides her time in Heaven's replica of the Garden of Eden, roasting marshmallows and romance novels in the angel's fiery sword.

Things start to change, though, after Tamsin's first millennia.

That's when the Antichrist shows up.

Contrary to popular belief, the Antichrist is actually a woman- a gorgeous, vicious woman by the name of Evony Marquise, whom Tamsin meets while taking a nice sightseeing tour of Hell. When they meet for the first time, Evony is the guardian of the wrathful dead (figures) and is amusing herself by pushing the damned souls deeper into the black, murky waters, and watching the bubbles come up.

Tamsin's smitten. Who wouldn't be, with a face and a body like that? Demon be damned, she paddles closer to the shore and captures the woman's attention with a wave of her hand. Evony looks up, and her eyes widen briefly when she catches sight of Tamsin's pure white wings.

It's a bit of a dead giveaway that she doesn't belong in hell, but Evony doesn't seem to mind, returning to her macabre activity.

"Bit boring, don't you think?" Tamsin says, leaning out of the boat.

"Bit nosy, aren't you?" Evony mocks, examining her perfect manicure. Some poor fellow makes a desperate grab for the shore, and Evony incinerates him with one lazy wave of her hand.

It's unnerving to watch a man burn while he's drowning, and Tamsin winces as the ashes fall back into the water. He'll be reincarnated soon, a little worse off than before, a little farther from salvation. Sucks for him.

Evony gets up and stretches, her slinky dress falling back over her legs and tumbling to the ground.

"I've been sitting there for _years_." She says, and Tamsin doesn't doubt it. "And I have important business to attend to in a bit, so make it quick. What do you want?"

"Honestly?" Tamsin asks. "I think you're smoking hot, and I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink sometime."

Evony laughs.

"I'm a demon, you realize that, right?"

"Heaven isn't heaven without Hell." Tamsin shrugs. Evony looks at her with raised eyebrows, smiling widely, and blows Tamsin a kiss over the churning river.

"I have to turn down your offer- I really must be going." She says, walking away. But she turns back around to look at Tamsin in the rocking boat, and her eyes shine with intention. "But I will remember you, Tamsin."

Tamsin doesn't get to ask how Evony knows her name.

She goes back to Heaven, and notices that evening in the shower that a layer of black feathers is starting to grow underneath her layers of white. They're soft, downy, and spiral down the drain with the water. Little feathers. They're not permanent- she's not too far gone yet. But Tamsin's never been one for hard-and-fast rules, and the whole "keep pure or they'll kick you out of Heaven" is a threat that doesn't have any bite.

So when Evony shows up one morning, says "Sayonara, bitches," and tears open the pearly gates, Tamsin follows. At least there's alcohol in Hell.

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I am marking this as complete because I can't promise regular updates, but if I get my way there will be more chapters. Thanks.


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